The Power and Joy of Giving
The Bhargavas and Byrons celebrated the completion of their DCI year in December of 2015. At the time, they had no idea of how their friendship would deepen in the future.
After completing the DCI program in 2015, the Inaugural Class established a book club in order to continue the community they created while at Stanford. Since then, the club has continued to meet regularly, even during the pandemic, often using Zoom to ensure that all members, including those not in the area, can participate.
The book club has given the Class of 2015 the opportunity for continued bonding over intriguing books, delicious food and continued sharing of their own lives.
In this account, DCI 2015 Fellows Jeff & Debbie Byron and Raj & Rashmi Bhargava share how they have bonded at the highest level – the gift of life.
At their cohort book club meeting a few years ago, Rashmi Bhargava (DCI 2015) and Raj Bhargava (DCI 2015) announced that Rashmi was in renal failure and would soon need a kidney. At the time Raj and other members of the Bhargava family were not considered acceptable donors. This prompted Jeff Byron (DCI 2015) to consider becoming an organ donor. He thought about it for several days and decided that he could donate. He was in good health and Rashmi’s family needed her love for many more years to come!
Even though Rashmi was diagnosed with kidney disease 20 years ago, she recalls, “I was shocked a few years ago when I was told that I would soon need a kidney transplant, and that neither Raj or my other family members were qualified to be donors. During this timeframe the reality of low kidney function was hitting me along with the inevitable reality of the potential need of kidney dialysis and an eventual transplant. It felt surreal that Jeff was willing to donate his kidney for me, yet at the same time I was not surprised by his generosity.”
Raj was both surprised and inspired by Jeff’s incredible gesture to donate his kidney for Rashmi. It was the beginning of a wonderful journey together. This motivated Raj to immediately take the necessary steps to improve his own health in order to qualify as a donor.
Debbie Byron (DCI 2015) was not surprised at her husband’s choice. “Jeff’s decision to donate a kidney is entirely consistent with who he is – taking action, solving problems, reflecting his values, caring for those in need. In addition to the incredible generosity and life-giving altruism of the organ donation, Jeff’s commitment to our DCI friends has a lifelong impact for us both, as Raj and Rashmi have become family to us. It’s been a learning journey for all four of us, including me, as I watched with wonder as they each faced surgeries and recoveries, and built a solid support network across families. We are now vested in their family’s well-being, and our shared purpose to shed more light on the potential of living donations.”
Jeff and Raj went through the donor screening process knowing that if they both qualified this could double Rashmi’s chances of receiving a live kidney. They lost weight, improved their commitment to a healthy diet and exercise, and came to fully understand the risks and benefits of donating. This gave them the confidence that they would make a full recovery after the donation.
Once Jeff qualified, he and Raj started a friendly competition to see who would be matched to a donor first. Rashmi did very well in maintaining her own good health thus delaying her immediate need to go onto dialysis (not desired during the COVID-19 pandemic). Because of their new bond, Rashmi adopted Jeff as her “brother.” Now she was more optimistic about her future.
In mid-August 2022, Raj “won” the competition. The National Kidney Registry (NKR) matched Raj with a recipient who had a loved one willing to donate a kidney that was a genetic match for Rashmi. The Stanford Kidney Transplant Team refers to this as a “swap” of live kidneys, which is highly preferred instead of waiting for an interminable period for a kidney from a deceased donor. Most people in renal failure only have this option and often wait for years. Tragically the phone call with a match often never comes. For Rashmi, the wait for a deceased donor might have been 10 years. Fortunately, her match arrived in a matter of months. With this good news, Rashmi and Raj prepared for kidney donation and transplant surgery that would occur on the same day – August 31, 2022.
August 31st was a magical day! Raj and Rashmi’s surgical-swap went perfectly – in great part due to the incredibly talented and dedicated doctors and staff at Stanford Hospital. Raj remembers that day well. Immediately he felt an immeasurable satisfaction of giving life. On the same day Rashmi became a living kidney recipient – eternally grateful with her new lease on life.
Rashmi was extremely thankful to Raj and Jeff for improving their own health in order to qualify as donors. “I wish there were more caring and healthy people in this world willing to be organ donors while they are living. Nothing is more valuable than this gift,” remarks Rashmi.
Raj and Jeff enjoy hiking together on local trails.
She recalls, “As all the events unfolded, I felt some super power was taking care of me.” After the kidney transplant, Rashmi felt tremendous gratitude towards her family, Jeff, all the doctors and the entire Stanford Healthcare team. She feels incredibly fortunate that her new kidney is functioning well, providing a new opportunity for a healthy life.
As caregivers, Jeff and Debbie had front row seats to Rashmi and Raj’s recovery. They shared in their joy, and most of all, felt Raj and Rashmi’s love for each other. Jeff and Debbie still get teary-eyed reflecting upon what they watched, and what Rashmi was able to avoid, because of the priceless gift that Raj gave to her.
Raj healed quickly, was given a complete medical release at his six-week checkup, and returned to his normal lifestyle. Following her surgery, Rashmi improved immediately and made a steady recovery. As expected, within a few months it was clear that neither of them would need Jeff’s kidney.
However, Jeff still wanted to donate his spare kidney and to experience that same power of giving that Raj had experienced. The Stanford Kidney Transplant Team team was more than ready to accommodate the wishes of another informed and qualified donor. In addition to experiencing tremendous joy in helping someone else live a better life, Jeff was also able to include his immediate family members on a voucher list that would give them priority for a live kidney if, by rare chance, one of them needed a kidney in the future.
On Valentine’s Day, a woman in Portland, whom Jeff may never know, received a new beginning with the kidney donated by Jeff. It was an amazing feeling! When he awoke in the recovery room, Jeff felt euphoric with the joy of giving. He went home the next day to begin his recovery process, slept in his own bed, and received wonderful care and attention from his wife, Debbie. Raj and Rashmi looked after Jeff too – providing comfort and understanding. Their bonds were strengthened through these common experiences in a way that is not easily described.
With a little help from his friends,
Jeff recovered quickly from his surgery.
Sharing this journey with Raj and Rashmi, and with the constant support and encouragement from Debbie, left a profound impact on Jeff. “I feel very fortunate to have been able to offer the gift of life to another person, while simultaneously finding deeper meaning in my own life.”
Upon reflection, the two couples note how this experience unexpectedly combined DCI’s pillars of Purpose, Community, and Wellness in a very meaningful and significant way. With their newly acquired deep personal understanding of how to assist those needing kidney transplants, they have embarked together on a goal of better understanding what they could do to increase the number of living kidney donors and save more lives.
Beginning in 2025 Jeff identified the most impactful way to save more lives and began working with a national coalition to pass The End Kidney Deaths Act; a bipartisan bill in Congress with support from 48 Members, over 50 Organizations, Economists, Doctors, and living kidney donors and recipients that will save up to 10,000 lives and $4 Billion in taxes annually.
By Jeff Byron
with remarks by Raj & Rashmi Bhargava, and Debbie Byron
Some Facts and Resources About Kidney Transplants in the U.S.
Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD) affects about 1 in 7 adults; approximately 786,000 people are living with End Stage Kidney Disease (ESKD). The median wait time for a kidney transplant is over 4 years.
There are 92,000 people in the US currently waiting for a kidney.
Nearly 180 million people in the US have generously registered to be donors upon their deaths. However, only 3 in 1,000 people die in a way that allows for deceased organ bestowment.
Approximately 23,000 people received a kidney in 2024; about 16,000 from deceased organ donors and about 7,000 from living donors.
Although the number of deceased kidney donors has grown nearly 70% over the past 10 years, the number of living donors has grown only modestly and demand is still growing faster than supply. This means more than 13 people die daily while waiting for a kidney.
We can change this with a pilot program to encourage more living donors.
Please read and sign the End Kidney Deaths Act petition that will save up to 10,000 lives and $4 Billion annually.